I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
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