Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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