Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
