Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
