We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
