i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
