By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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