apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
