Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
Acid is not a monday night drug
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
