WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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