After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
