On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
