i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
