watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
