Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
