I want to have your abortion
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
