Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
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