But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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