And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Randomize
