I murdered the dance floor call the cops
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Randomize
