Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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