i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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