my being single is dangerous.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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