I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
