dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
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