So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
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