sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
one two three fourrrrnication!
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
