At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Randomize
