Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Randomize
