i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Randomize
