youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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