i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
