apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
