please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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