Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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