I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
She bit a glass in half.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
