you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
Four minutes until I can fart!
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
