if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
I don't think brook has ever known best
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
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