I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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