but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Randomize
