my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
Who wears a wallet chain?!
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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