I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize
