What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
I could have mohawked her pubes.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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