is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
