i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
