Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
