Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
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