dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
