Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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