I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
