just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
