it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
