Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
two words...techno handjob
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
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His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
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How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
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