I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
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