im six kinds of drunk right now
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
