and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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