No awkward lesbian experiences without me
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I believe in your delicious
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