I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
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