Just fell off a train. Bad.
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
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