the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Randomize
