well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
