My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Randomize
