Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
I didn't shave. On purpose
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
