apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
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