Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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