i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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