she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
