he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Everclear isn't food dammit
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
