HIV tests are more positive than that guy
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
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