I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
There are leaves in my underwear?
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